


Satan's Witches

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29342790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: A weekend trip to Captain Dobey's cabin turns sinister for Starsky & Hutch when they discover a Satanic cult operating nearby.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Satan's Witches


    SATAN'S WITCHES
    
    Season 3, Episode 16
    
    Original Airdate: February 8, 1978 
    
    Written by: Bob Barbash
    Directed by: Nicholas Sgarro
    Created by: William Blinn
    
    Summary:  A weekend trip to Captain Dobey's cabin turns sinister for Starsky & Hutch when they discover a Satanic cult operating nearby.  
    
    Cast: 

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear (credit only)

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey (credit only)

Charles Napier ... Sheriff Joe Tyce

Taylor Lacher ... Hank Ward

Robert Sutton ... Cabot (as Robert Raymond Sutton)

Joseph Ruskin ... Rodell

Deborah Zon ... Julie

Jere Rae Mansfield ... Tricia (as Jeri Lea Ray)

Patricia Wilson ... Rachel Tyce

Bess Gatewood ... Ellie Ward

Lark Geib ... Lizzie Tyce
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In Hutch's Car**
    
    HUTCH: Hey, what a terrific guy Dobey is to give us his cabin for four days, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, terrific. Four days of itching and scratching, and the fleas and bears in the woods. You're sure you know where we are?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. The cabin's gotta be down there. Yeah. It's beautiful, isn't it? Just beautiful!
    
    STARSKY: Hey, man...
    
    HUTCH: I know it's down here. Ah, here we are, here we are, here we are!
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing? That's a dead end.
    
    HUTCH: I can see that.
    
    STARSKY: Well, then, what did you turn for? Do you really know where we are? I mean, maybe we're lost or something. How do you know we're not lost? I mean, this is some vacation! 
    
    HUTCH: I know we're on...
    
    STARSKY: I mean, what if something were to happen to us? What if we're bit by an animal or a horse or a cow? We need medical supplies...
    
    HUTCH: Hey, wait! Wait! Wait a minute! You know something? 
    
    STARSKY: What? 
    
    HUTCH: Your chances of survival up here are good, and they're getting-
    
    STARSKY: Worse!
    
    HUTCH: Ooh. How can somebody ruin a perfectly beautiful place?
    
    STARSKY: Hey, it was your idea to come up here, you know. I mean, look, what if you wanna go see a movie or wanna go have a hamburger or a Coca-Cola or something, huh? What? 
    
    HUTCH: Look at this, huh? Look at this. What do you call that? 
    
    STARSKY: What is that?
    
    HUTCH: It's a cabin. Look at the lake. Huh? Here we are, and none too soon.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    HUTCH: Whooooo. Ah. Just look at it. Look at this! 
    
    STARSKY: We're in the middle of the world. The middle of nowhere. Not even a soul in sight.
    
    HUTCH: Not a solitary soul in sight. How about that?
    
    STARSKY: Just a lot of trees and water, water and trees, trees and water...
    
    HUTCH: Lot of water, lot of trees. More trees. Lots of water. 
    
    STARSKY: Not even a hamburger stand. 
    
    HUTCH: Not even a hamburger stand. 
    
    STARSKY: I already said that.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Nothing.
    
    HUTCH: Well, hey, look, why don't we unpack and get some food.
    
    STARSKY: Where?
    
    HUTCH: Well, Dobey says there's a nice, friendly little town nearby here.
    
    STARSKY: Really? Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, that should make you happy. 
    
    STARSKY: Well, look, why don't we unpack after. Huh? You going in there?
    
    HUTCH: Watch out for the cobwebs.
    
    STARSKY: Look, I think I'll unpack.
    
    HUTCH: Okay, that's a good idea.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
      
    
    **Exterior - Day - From Across the Lake**
    
    RODELL: What are they doing here? That cabin was supposed to be empty.
    
    CABOT: Yes, I know. They assured us it would be.
    
    RODELL: You'll have to find out who they are. We've gone too far to let anyone stop the ritual now.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    STARSKY: Ahh! 
    
    HUTCH: You scared me. 
    
    STARSKY: That wasn't very funny.
    
    HUTCH: Just give me something.
    
    STARSKY: See the spider?
    
    HUTCH: What spider? Oh, yeah, it's big.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Town Street**
    
    STARSKY: Afternoon. Captain said this was a friendly town?
    
    HUTCH: Those were his exact words.
    
    STARSKY: Well, Captain's always got a great sense of humour.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Afternoon.
    
    HUTCH: Hi, there.
    
    STARSKY: That does it. You get the food, I'll gas this thing up.
    
    HUTCH: Okay. 
    
    STARSKY: Hi. Fill it up with regular, please. You do have gas, don't you?
    
    WARD: We're all out of regular.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. Well, that's all right. I can handle that. How about, uh, premium?
    
    WARD: You asking me or telling me?
    
    STARSKY: Well, that depends on how you take it.
    
    ELLIE: Dad. Please. No trouble, Okay?
    
    WARD: Okay. Get his gas.
    
    ELLIE: He didn't mean any harm.
    
    STARSKY: It's Okay. I get off on hostility.
    
    
    
    **Interior - Day - General Store**
    
    HUTCH: There, I guess that about does it. Oh, would you get me one of those fish-hook removers up there on the wall?
    
    RACHEL: Sure thing.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    RACHEL: There you go.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you. So, have you been in this area long?
    
    RACHEL: All my life. Born and raised.
    
    HUTCH: You run this place by yourself, huh?
    
    RACHEL: My husband helps out when he can. He's the sheriff.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    RACHEL: Well, you've got quite a supply here.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    RACHEL: You headed up to the mountains to do some hunting?
    
    HUTCH: No, no, my friend and I are gonna do a little fishing up at the lake.
    
    RACHEL: Pine Lake?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. We drove up this afternoon. We're staying at the Dobey place. Something wrong?
    
    RACHEL: No. Nothing.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - General Store**
    
    STARSKY: Let's go.
    
    HUTCH: Hey. 
    
    STARSKY: Hmm? 
    
    HUTCH: Watch the door. 
    
    STARSKY: Oh, sorry. Did you get enough? Black...? Black-eyed peas?
    
    TYCE: Hold it! I understand you boys took over a cabin at Pine Lake?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, the Dobey cabin. We rented it for the weekend.
    
    TYCE: Got any proof of that?
    
    STARSKY: We got the key. That ought to be proof enough.
    
    TYCE: Yeah, well, a month ago, he told me that cabin was gonna be empty for the season.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, well, you see, Sheriff, it was a last-minute brainstorm. My partner here's got a thing for pine trees.
    
    TYCE: We've had a lot of break-ins around here lately. I need more proof than just a key.
    
    HUTCH: Well, why don't you call Dobey.
    
    TYCE: That's a good idea. That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm holding you both till I find out.
    
    STARSKY: Holding us? You gotta be kidding. 
    
    TYCE: Watch your lip, boy.
    
    STARSKY: No way, and I ain't your boy. You wanna call Dobey and clear us, fine. But you don't have anything to hold us on.
    
    HUTCH: My partner's right. Law says you gotta have something to hold us on. Right now, you got nothing.
    
    TYCE: What are you? Some kind of back-room lawyer?
    
    HUTCH: As a matter of fact, we're a couple of front-room cops. Hutchinson and Starsky. Now, look, we got a four-day vacation up here. All we ask is to be left alone. See any problem in that?
    
    STARSKY: Hey, how's the fishing?
    
    TYCE: Get out of here!
    
    WARD: You gonna tell him those two are cops?
    
    TYCE: Well, you think I got any choice?
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    STARSKY: No television, no radio- Ah! 
    
    HUTCH: Did you hurt yourself?
    
    STARSKY: There's no fire. That town is about as friendly as the Bay of Pigs!
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on, Starsky, don't let it get to you. We're on vacation.
    
    STARSKY: Keep reminding me of that.
    
    HUTCH: Here, I want you to taste something.
    
    STARSKY: What's this? Now we got a blackout?
    
    HUTCH: Shh! 
    
    STARSKY: What? 
    
    HUTCH: Stand very still. Don't panic. The lights are out.
    
    STARSKY: I can tell that! Where's the light switch? 
    
    HUTCH: Whooo. 
    
    STARSKY: What's that?
    
    HUTCH: It's over by the stove.
    
    STARSKY: What's over by the stove?
    
    HUTCH: The circuit breaker. Whoooo. Starsky, don't panic.
    
    STARSKY: I'm not! I'm looking for a light switch! 
    
    HUTCH: Whooo. 
    
    STARSKY: I happen to be a virgin in these woods.
    
    HUTCH: Aww.
    
    STARSKY: It's not funny! You're the one that dragged us up here. How do you explain all those people, huh? All those people today?
    
    HUTCH: Wait a second.
    
    STARSKY: Huh? What happened to that small-town charm, that sense of hospitality?
    
    HUTCH: Listen to me, a person in a small town who sees a stranger is gonna get suspicious.
    
    STARSKY: Suspicious? I call that downright hostility. What are we gonna have for dinner?
    
    HUTCH: Mmm. Wait till you taste this.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Bear meat, acorns and dried roots. It's one of my favourites, and you're gonna love it.
    
    STARSKY: You're either putting me on or you don't want me for a friend any more. Now, what's that? Love-sick moose?
    
    HUTCH: Not this time of year.
    
    STARSKY: Where are you going?
    
    HUTCH: Out.
    
    STARSKY: Whoa, wait a, wait a second. Wait! Okay. 
    
    HUTCH: Be careful.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. 
    
    HUTCH: It's dark out.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    STARSKY: Come on, nature-lover, what is that?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know. Listen. 
    
    STARSKY: For what? I don't hear a thing now. 
    
    HUTCH: That's what I'm talking about. All of a sudden, there's nothing. There's no birds. No crickets. No frogs. 
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    HUTCH: Nothing.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch... Hutch! Hutch!
    
    HUTCH: Hey... It's never this quiet.
    
    STARSKY: Really?
    
    HUTCH: Really.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch, let's go back in the cabin.
    
    HUTCH: Hey. Look at that. Over there.
    
    STARSKY: What is that?
    
    HUTCH: Well, it's like I was saying. It's probably some college kids up here on a bash. That's all.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, sure. Well... Let's go back in the cabin. I could probably go for some bear meat.
    
    HUTCH: Let's go. Bear meat's burning.
    
    STARSKY: Coming. College kids!
    
    HUTCH: Right, huh?
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Across the Lake**
    
    RODELL: (chanting) Hail Satan!
    
    GROUP: (chanting) Hail Satan! (indecipherable chanting) Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
    
    RODELL: Their names are Starsky and Hutchinson. They're staying in the Dobey cabin. By Satan's will, we shall be rid of them.
    
    GROUP: Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
    
    RODELL: Hail Satan!
    
    GROUP: Hail Satan!
    
    RODELL: Hail Satan!
    
    GROUP: Hail Satan!
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    HUTCH: Time to rise and shine! (sings) Fish are jumping
    
    STARSKY: It's 5:30 in the morning. 
    
    HUTCH: (sings) Cotton is high
    
    STARSKY: Happy hunting.
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    STARSKY: Happy hunting.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Across the Lake**
    
    CABOT: I think it's better that we meet our new neighbour in normal clothes.
    
    HUTCH: Blood? Hiya, fellas. Uh, I'm your new neighbor. Me and my buddy just moved into the cabin across the street... Uh, the lake over there.
    
    CABOT: The sign says clearly, "No trespassing."
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, I saw that. It's just that you don't see a guy running around in the woods in a red robe very often, you know what I mean?
    
    CABOT: We have no interest in why you're here, only that you leave now.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, look, I was just curious. 
    
    CABOT: I said, now. While you can still walk.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on.
    
    RODELL: There will be no fighting! You are not welcome here.
    
    HUTCH: Well, that's pretty obvious, mister. I just stopped by to say hello. As long as I'm here, you might as well tell me what this blood on the ground is doing.
    
    RODELL: I know nothing of any blood. My group and I are here for a brief period of meditation. A religious retreat, which requires complete privacy.
    
    HUTCH: Must be a wonderful religion. These your altar boys?
    
    RODELL: I am not a man of patience, sir. You are to leave these premises at once, and you are not to return!
    
    HUTCH: All right, I'm leaving. But you can count on me coming back.
    
    RODELL: And before that happens, we will visit them.
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Dobey's Cabin
    
    STARSKY: Hutch?
    
    HUTCH: Starsky! Starsk, what are you doing down there? It's time to get up. Hey, wait till you meet our new neighbours.
    
    STARSKY: Look at that.
    
    HUTCH: What the heck is that?
    
    STARSKY: That's what I'd like to know.
    
    HUTCH: It's some kind of a symbol, like you'd find in a voodoo shop or a wall of a fraternity house. Looks like some prankster paid us a visit.
    
    STARSKY: Some gag. They drew it in blood.
    
    HUTCH: Remember that fire we saw across the lake last night?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Well, there's a religious group living over there. I saw some blood
    over there too.
    
    STARSKY: Fresh air, blue skies... This is some weird place you brought us to.
    
    HUTCH: I'm beginning to think so myself.
    
    STARSKY: Could we please get out of here?
    
    HUTCH: Would you please let me go?
    
    TRICIA: Hi!
    
    JULIE: Hi!
    
    STARSKY: Hi. Hi.
    
    HUTCH: Hi, there!
    
    STARSKY: Hi.
    
    JULIE: Well, hi, again.
    
    HUTCH: Hi, again.
    
    JULIE: This your cabin?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, uh, yeah, for the next few days.
    
    JULIE: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Uh, my name is Ken Hutchinson. And that... That friendly red blur
    that just ran in there in the red underwear is Dave Starsky.
    
    JULIE: Julie Martin, and this is my sister, Tricia
    
    TRICIA: Tricia. Hi.
    
    HUTCH: Tricia. Nice to meet you.
    
    TRICIA: Before we go any further, I really have to use a comfort station.
    
    HUTCH: Well, one for all, all for one.
    
    TRICIA: I'll be right back, guys.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    TRICIA: You don't mind, do you? She wants to use the comfort station.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, not at all. Please, go right ahead. Don't mind the mural, it's folk art. Uh... Hi, there. My name's David-
    
    HUTCH: I already did that.
    
    JULIE: Nice place you got here.
    
    STARSKY: Yes, it is, isn't it?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Yeah. 
    
    JULIE: You into camping?
    
    STARSKY: Into camping, sweetheart? 
    
    HUTCH: Well, as a matter of fact-
    
    STARSKY: I spend more time in the woods than Bigfoot.
    
    HUTCH: Don't let him kid you. The closest he gets to the woods is face down in a bar.
    
    JULIE: Oh, you guys are funny.
    
    HUTCH: Stick around, we're a laugh a minute.
    
    JULIE: We'd love to, but we have to get pushing along.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, no buts, no buts. Look, we have a boat, we could take a boat ride, we could go swimming in the lake, we could have a little dinner.
    
    HUTCH: Have a little dinner. 
    
    STARSKY: My friend here cooks up a storm.
    
    HUTCH: Rainbow trout almondine. And if the fish aren't biting, we could always pick up a couple of steaks.
    
    JULIE: Sounds like a great idea.
    
    HUTCH: Right, well, then it's all settled.
    
    JULIE: Well, we have to catch up with our hiking club and let them know where we are.
    
    STARSKY: How long will that take?
    
    JULIE: Well, two, maybe three hours.
    
    HUTCH: You a fast hiker?
    
    JULIE: Depends on what we're hiking for.
    
    STARSKY: Ah.
    
    HUTCH: Ah.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, here we are. That didn't take long.
    
    HUTCH: Trish.
    
    TRICIA: I work real fast.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, good, good.
    
    JULIE: Come on, Trish, we gotta go.
    
    STARSKY: Okay. 
    
    HUTCH: Hurry back.
    
    STARSKY: Bye-bye.
    
    TRICIA: Thanks. Bye.
    
    STARSKY: You're welcome. So, that's what camping was all about, huh?
    
    HUTCH: How about the city?
    
    STARSKY: What's the city?
    
    HUTCH: Right. Well, if we're gonna have a fish dinner, we'd better get moving.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: All right, you get the boat, I'll get a six-pack of beer.
    
    HUTCH: Why don't you get the beer, and I'll get the boat.
    
    STARSKY: The beer.
    
    HUTCH: The boat. Hey, Starsk! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, boy. Hey, what's going on? Come on, Starsk, how long does it take to put on a pair of britches? 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Dobey's Cabin
    
    HUTCH: Uh... Don't move. Don't move.
    
    STARSKY: Get it out of here!
    
    HUTCH: What happened?
    
    STARSKY: The snake...
    
    HUTCH: I know the snake! Where did it come from?
    
    STARSKY: The refrigerator.
    
    HUTCH: Snakes don't come from refrigerators.
    
    STARSKY: This one did.
    
    HUTCH: How? You can't tell me the- The girls!
    
    STARSKY: What the hell's going on here?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know, but somebody wants us out of here bad enough to kill us.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Town Street**
    
    STARSKY: Oh, terrific! Now the town's deserted. Locked.
    
    TYCE: There's a complaint out on you two.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, we got a couple complaints of our own.
    
    TYCE: Yours are gonna have to wait. That area you visited  across the lake is private property. Them people don't like you trespassing.
    
    HUTCH: We don't like it either. Especially when they leave weird drawings on our front door in blood.
    
    TYCE: What do you mean, blood?
    
    STARSKY: Red stuff, comes out of your veins. Especially if somebody uses a knife.
    
    WARD: Sam Taylor's goat.  They found its carcass on Bleeker Road early this morning.
    
    TYCE: Stay out of this, Hank. All right, I'll look into it.
    
    STARSKY: While you're at, will you look into why someone left a rattlesnake in our cabin?
    
    TYCE: SThe lake area's swarming with rattlers.
    
    STARSKY: Well, this one didn't swarm into our refrigerator. Someone planted it there.
    
    TYCE: You got proof of that?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, we can visit Mad Merlin and his boys across the lake and come up with the proof.
    
    TYCE: All right, now, look, I know you're holding badges, but that don't mean squat around here. Now, you stay away from that area across the lake, and you leave them people alone.
    
    HUTCH: Sheriff, we're asking for your help.
    
    TYCE: And I'm giving it to you. Either you leave them people alone or I'll show you how I run things around here!
    
    HUTCH: Are you threatening us?
    
    TYCE: You're damn right I am!
    
    ELLIE: Now, stop it! In God's holy name, stop it. Joe, a fight with these two isn't gonna solve anything. Haven't we got enough hanging over our heads? Please... Please, do as he says. Stay away from them. You don't know what's happening here.
    
    STARSKY: No, we don't, lady, but I'll tell you this. We came up here to vacation, and it's been a twilight zone from the word "go." And we think it's time to find out why.
    
    TYCE: You ain't giving me no choice. You're both under arrest.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you gotta be kidding.
    
    TYCE: Hold it! Make one more step, you're gonna be sorry.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Sheriff's Office**
    
    
    HUTCH: You're just setting yourself up for a lot of trouble.
    
    TYCE: I'll take that chance.
    
    HUTCH: We got a call to make.
    
    TYCE: You get nothing, not till morning. Get in there.
    
    STARSKY: You know, Sheriff, you better have a good lawyer or one swift set of feet, because when we get out of here, we're gonna pay you a visit.
    
    TYCE: After tomorrow morning, I don't give a damn what you do.
    
    STARSKY: The great outdoors! Fresh air, peace and quiet. We would've been better off in Death Valley!
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Across the Lake**
    
    CABOT: It is time to prepare for the final sacrifice.
    
    RODELL: And now, through the rites of blood and the fires of the underworld, you shall be forever wed to Satan.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Sheriff's Office**
    
    WARD: Got you boys some food. Sorry we had to do this to you.
    
    STARSKY: Save your tears for the Sheriff. He's gonna need them.
    
    WARD: You don't understand.
    
    STARSKY: What's to understand?
    
    WARD: Joe Tyce is a good man.
    
    HUTCH: Well, if you're coming around here looking for a collection for him, you came to the wrong place.
    
    TYCE: Let me tell you something. He had to lock you up. They got him boxed in. They're holding his daughter.
    
    STARSKY: You mean those people across the lake?
    
    WARD: Rodell and his bunch came up the lake a few days ago.
    
    HUTCH: Rodell. Is he the leader?
    
    WARD: Yeah. Lizzie Tyce is 16 years old. When Rodell grabbed her two days ago, he laid down rules. Nobody's to go near him or his people, nobody's to mention them to any strangers. We're supposed to do what he says. If we do, when he leaves, then he'll give Lizzie back to us. If we don't do what he says, they're gonna kill her. That's what he said.
    
    STARSKY: You're not doing anything about it?
    
    WARD: We can't do anything about it!You want to risk her life? This is a small town, mister. Lizzie Tyce is one of our own.
    
    HUTCH: Elm Ridge, Ohio.
    
    STARSKY: What about it?
    
    HUTCH: It's a small resort town. A group of Satanists took a young girl as a hostage to keep the town quiet. Three days later, when they disappeared, they found the girl's body.
    
    WARD: God.
    
    STARSKY: When did Rodell say he was leaving town?
    
    WARD: Tomorrow morning. Something about a final ceremony tonight.
    
    HUTCH: That girl's not gonna make it through the night.
    
    STARSKY: Let us out of here.
    
    WARD: They said they'd kill her if anybody interfered.
    
    HUTCH: Well, she's gonna be dead unless somebody does. And it's gonna be on your back, Ward.
    
    STARSKY: Open the door, Ward. Now!  
    
    WARD: I hope you know what you're doing.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Town Street**
    
    STARSKY: How far down the mountain is that highway patrol?
    
    HUTCH: Too far.
    
    STARSKY: Does Dobey have any guns at his place?
    
    HUTCH: He doesn't hunt.
    
    STARSKY: What's our plan?
    
    HUTCH: We got none.
    
    STARSKY: That's good.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Across the Lake**
    
    STARSKY: Kill the lights. We're getting close. Watch out for that tree.
    
    HUTCH: What tree? 
    
    STARSKY: Holy catfish!
    
    HUTCH: There's that dead silence again.
    
    STARSKY: Hey...
    
    GROUP: (chanting) Hail Satan! Hail Satan! (indecipherable chanting) Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
    
    RODELL: On this, the last night of the Black Mass of Lucifer, we vow to offer our souls...
    
    STARSKY: Just a couple of all-American campfire girls.
    
    HUTCH: Yep.
    
    RODEll: Follow me, disciples of Asmodeus, as we offer welcome to our master, the Prince of Darkness. Dominus Satanus.
    
    GROUP: Hail Satan!
    
    RODELL: Last night, O Master, we sacrificed the animal to you. We used its blood to ward off your enemies. Tonight, the last night of Lucifer, at your hour, the hour of midnight, we will offer you... The ultimate sacrifice!
    
    STARSKY: The girl.
    
    HUTCH: The house. Okay. You distract him, get him out of position and lead him into the woods.
    
    STARSKY: To the woods?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you?
    
    HUTCH: Because I'm gonna save the girl!
    
    STARSKY: Well, why don't I?
    
    HUTCH: Because I thought of it first. Will you hurry up?!
    
    STARSKY: What are you trying to do, scare me TO DEATH?
    
    HUTCH: I've gotta save the girl.
    
    STARSKY: By having some spaced-out freak chase me through the woods at night!
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, company.
    
    STARSKY: Hi. Hutch, come here! Come here, quick! Hutch!
    
    HUTCH: Well, I hope he isn't one of the little ones. Watch the moose. Whistle if anybody comes.
    
    STARSKY: Okay, here they come. Hutch! They're coming!
    
    HUTCH: This way. This way.
    
    STARSKY: Okay. 
    
    RODELL: Find them. Look to the road.
    
    CABOT: They've taken the girl.
    
    RODELL: Go to their cabin.
    
    STARSKY: The cabin.
    
    HUTCH: The cabin! 
    
    STARSKY: Come on, come on.
    
    LIZZIE: No, I can't make it.
    
    STARSKY: Yes, you can. Come on. Come on! Come on! Hurry, come on. Okay, come on. Come on. Get to a phone. It's okay. It's okay. It's all right.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    HUTCH: Operator. Operator, get me the... Get me the... Operator? Line's gone dead.
    
    STARSKY: She can't go much farther, shape she's in.
    
    LIZZIE: Somebody has to go for help.
    
    HUTCH: Too late for that.
    
    LIZZIE: What are they doing?
    
    HUTCH: They're all out there.
    
    STARSKY: Well, from the looks of it, they're gonna hold that final ceremony this side of the lake.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk?
    
    STARSKY: Hmm?
    
    HUTCH: Got any ideas?
    
    STARSKY: Blind man's bluff.
    
    HUTCH: I'll get the circuit breaker.
    
    STARSKY: And give me the flashlight. You okay, huh? Huh? Come on. Come on. You're gonna be the lighting director.
    
    HUTCH: I'll get the light switches.
    
    STARSKY: Now, you stand here, huh?
    
    RODELL: It is time for the ceremony to begin. 
    
    CABOT: Hail Satan!
    
    GROUP: (chanting) Hail Satan! Hail Satan! (chanting) 
    
    STARSKY: Tennis anyone?
    
    HUTCH: Hell of a party, isn't it?
    
    CABOT: Ah!
    
    STARSKY: Cha-cha or tango?
    
    HUTCH: Telephone!
    
    STARSKY: Whee! Hit the lights, Lizzie.
    
    HUTCH: Not bad, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I'd say so.
    
    HUTCH: You were terrific, Lizzie.
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Lizzie. We gotta get you out of here right away.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk?
    
    STARSKY: What? Ah!
    
    HUTCH: Come on, we gotta get going.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    GROUP: (chanting) Hail Satan.
    
    HUTCH: You ready? 
    
    STARSKY: Let's go.
    
    RODELL: You cannot evade us. Take them.
    
    LIZZIE: Daddy!
    
    TYCE: Liz. It's all right, baby. It's okay, everything's gonna be okay.
    
    OFFICER 1: Right, move, move!
    
    OFFICER 2: Come on, you too. Move along!
    
    TYCE: I don't know how I can ever thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Don't bother. I'd probably only be rude.
    
    TYCE: I'm sorry I had to gave you such a hard time.
    
    STARSKY: It's okay.
    
    HUTCH: Let me ask you something.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Do you suppose this has ever happened to John Denver?
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Dobey's Cabin**
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, look, I can have the car packed, and we can get out of here by nightfall.
    
    STARSKY: What's this? Nature boy pining for the city? I don't believe it.
    
    HUTCH: After what we went through with those weirdos last night, my vacation is ruined.
    
    STARSKY: Shh.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: The fish. The only thing that's ruining your vacation are these ten happy fat trout.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on!
    
    STARSKY: Only thing you caught was an allergy.
     
    HUTCH:  has nothing to do with it. I don't care if you caught 10,000 of those little suckers. It was all beginner's luck! I just wanna get out of here.
    
    STARSKY: Scared of the woods?
    
    HUTCH: All I had last night were bad dreams because of those weirdos.
    
    STARSKY: All I did was dream of the beauties of nature.
    
    HUTCH: I wanna split!
    
    STARSKY: And I wanna stay. Look, I have discovered a whole new dimension to my life out here. Really. It's like the primal essence. Suddenly, I... I feel liberated.
    
    HUTCH: Don't push it!
    
    STARSKY: No, I feel alive and woodsy, you know? At one with nature.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, little rocks,
    
    STARSKY: Little rocks.
    
    HUTCH: Little wild flowers,
    
    STARSKY: Wild flowers.
    
    HUTCH: Little chipmunks, little beavers...
    
    STARSKY: Chipmunks, beavers. What was that?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know. There have been some sightings of grizzlies around here.
    
    STARSKY: You mean bears?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah. 
    
    STARSKY: Say, uh, what kind of trout do you like with your wine?
    
    HUTCH: Beg your pardon?
    
    STARSKY: I mean, wine with your trout.
    
    HUTCH: Oh. A little Chablis.
    
    STARSKY: Well, let's get rolling, then. I got some of that back home. In the city. Come on, guys.
    
    END


End file.
